Joke thread :D
Joke thread :D
How has no one thought of doing this yet? Post jokes you find that are funny here so we can have a good laugh. And while I dont expect them to be kept clean, DO NOT make racial jokes, as im sure it will get you in severe trouble
KGO.
KGO.
Re: Joke thread :D
Heres one that I found today:
Sterility is hereditary: If your grandfather didn't have children and your father didn't have children, you won't have children either.
Sterility is hereditary: If your grandfather didn't have children and your father didn't have children, you won't have children either.
- Sanjar Khan
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Re: Joke thread :D
Why did the black jewish chicken cross the road
Ferrisbuler2: i will stay but i might not post cus of ollieboy
- Intertoothh
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Re: Joke thread :D
They wanted to get to the other side?Sanjar Khan wrote:Why did the black jewish chicken cross the road
McLaughlinKid wrote:You put roar on everything don't you?
Re: Joke thread :D
Why do squirrels swim on their backs?
Yeah shut the fuck up I know I've said it before but I do rather enjoy it.
TO KEEP THEIR NUTS DRY.
<TKB> Hit_Girl: zombies don't hurt
<TKB> Hit_Girl: weird.
<TKB> Hit_Girl was slain by Zombie
<TKB> Hit_Girl: weird.
<TKB> Hit_Girl was slain by Zombie
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Re: Joke thread :D
He was herded across, to be put to work on my cotton farm.Intertoothh wrote:They wanted to get to the other side?Sanjar Khan wrote:Why did the black jewish chicken cross the road
Ferrisbuler2: i will stay but i might not post cus of ollieboy
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Re: Joke thread :D
3 kids are talking about smoking
The first says, "My dad can blow smoke rings!"
The second says, "Mine can blow smoke out of his eyes!"
The third then said, "Mine can out his butt, I haven't seen it, but I've seen the tobaco marks on his underwear!"
The first says, "My dad can blow smoke rings!"
The second says, "Mine can blow smoke out of his eyes!"
The third then said, "Mine can out his butt, I haven't seen it, but I've seen the tobaco marks on his underwear!"
0_oBloody_Llama wrote:Portals are like flavored condoms: an interesting idea, but not something you ever actually want to use in practice.
Ollieboy wrote:The taste runs out really quickly, and then your just stuck sucking on a bit of rubber around a banana.
- Bazingabbt2
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Re: Joke thread :D
Hmm not racist jokes damn thats all the jokes i know
TheBeardmaster: jays hot stuff chips: fuckin delicious. Lays flamin hot chips: taste like ass.
silverx323*: Donkey ass?
TheBeardmaster: yes
TheBeardmaster: the worst kind of ass
silverx323*: Ugly girl ass.
TheBeardmaster: 500 pound whale ass
silverx323*: Donkey ass?
TheBeardmaster: yes
TheBeardmaster: the worst kind of ass
silverx323*: Ugly girl ass.
TheBeardmaster: 500 pound whale ass
Re: Joke thread :D
Mm I've got a few:
What's the good thing about twenty one year olds?
What's the difference between a top-notch ferrari and a pile of dead babies?
What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
How do you make a PLUMBER cry?
What's the good thing about twenty one year olds?
Show
Show
Show
Show
I'm scared to death that I'll never be afraid.
Re: Joke thread :D
What is red and smells like blue paint?
Red paint.
Amidoinitrite?
Red paint.
Amidoinitrite?
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Re: Joke thread :D
I laughed...xKoreaNx wrote:What is red and smells like blue paint?
Red paint.
Amidoinitrite?
unfortunately I can't post any jokes here, because the only ones I know are ripped off of other websites
200419110 wrote:ohmyfuckingod im one person chill your tits
Re: Joke thread :D
Who cares? It's about a collection of jokes, not original jokes.
<TKB> Hit_Girl: zombies don't hurt
<TKB> Hit_Girl: weird.
<TKB> Hit_Girl was slain by Zombie
<TKB> Hit_Girl: weird.
<TKB> Hit_Girl was slain by Zombie
Re: Joke thread :D
And on that note, here are the top 10 funniest jokes from the Edinburgh Fringe Festival!
1) Nick Helm: "I needed a password eight characters long
2) Tim Vine: "Crime in multi-storey car parks.
3) Hannibal Buress: "People say 'I'm taking it one day at a time'. You know what?
4) Tim Key: "Drive-Thru McDonalds was more expensive than I thought...
5) Matt Kirshen: "I was playing chess with my friend and he said, 'Let's make this interesting'.
6) Sarah Millican: "My mother told me, you don't have to put anything in your mouth you don't want to.
7) Alan Sharp: "I was in a band which we called The Prevention,
8 ) Mark Watson: "Someone asked me recently - what would I rather give up, food or sex.
9) Andrew Lawrence: "I admire these phone hackers. I think they have a lot of patience.
10) DeAnne Smith: "My friend died doing what he loved ...
1) Nick Helm: "I needed a password eight characters long
so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarves."
That is wrong on so many different levels."
So is everybody. That's how time works."
once you've hired the car..."
So we stopped playing chess."
Then she made me eat broccoli, which felt like double standards."
because we hoped people would say we were better than The Cure."
Neither! I'm not falling for that one again, wife."
I can't even be bothered to check my OWN voicemails."
Heroin."
<TKB> Hit_Girl: zombies don't hurt
<TKB> Hit_Girl: weird.
<TKB> Hit_Girl was slain by Zombie
<TKB> Hit_Girl: weird.
<TKB> Hit_Girl was slain by Zombie
- Bloody_Llama
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Re: Joke thread :D
Velveeta
<FCB2> trevbev94: who made the perimid out of saind cause that is ausom
<FCB2> Pemalite+: druffin. 'cmere big boy for some lovin'
<FCB2> Pemalite+: druffin. 'cmere big boy for some lovin'
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Re: Joke thread :D
In that case, I have a joke although I have no idea how old it is (you all probably heard it before).
A boy went up to his father and asked "Dad, who did I get my intelligence from?"
The dad thinks a little bit, then says "hmm... you must've gotten your intelligence from your mother.. Because I still have mine."
***I forgot the name of the website where I originally found this joke
A boy went up to his father and asked "Dad, who did I get my intelligence from?"
The dad thinks a little bit, then says "hmm... you must've gotten your intelligence from your mother.. Because I still have mine."
***I forgot the name of the website where I originally found this joke
200419110 wrote:ohmyfuckingod im one person chill your tits
- DreamingInsane
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Re: Joke thread :D
I puked at the thought of this.xKoreaNx wrote:What is red and smells like blue paint?
Red paint.
Amidoinitrite?
"Words have no power to impress the mind without the exquisite horror of their reality.."
~ Edgar Allan Poe
~ Edgar Allan Poe
Re: Joke thread :D
What does a Jewish pedophile say?
HEY, HEY, HEY... easy on the candy.
"Beauty is only a light switch away"
Re: Joke thread :D
A little girl walks into a pet shop and says "Excuse me sir, but can I pwease buy a wabbit?"
The pet shop owner says "Well sure littler girl, would you like a cute wittle brown wabbit, or a cute wittle white wabbit?"
The pet shop owner says "Well sure littler girl, would you like a cute wittle brown wabbit, or a cute wittle white wabbit?"
And the girl said "Frankly, sir, I don't think my python gives a fuck."
<TKB> Hit_Girl: zombies don't hurt
<TKB> Hit_Girl: weird.
<TKB> Hit_Girl was slain by Zombie
<TKB> Hit_Girl: weird.
<TKB> Hit_Girl was slain by Zombie
Re: Joke thread :D
This is just wrong!
The funniest thing about this particular signature is that by the time you realise it doesn't say anything it's to late to stop reading it.
- Helio_
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Re: Joke thread :D
What happens when Steve gets a boner?
He gets a cock-block!
We do what we must, because we can.
Re: Joke thread :D
Helio_ wrote:What happens when Steve gets a boner?
He gets a cock-block!
The funniest thing about this particular signature is that by the time you realise it doesn't say anything it's to late to stop reading it.
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Re: Joke thread :D
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
Show
0_oBloody_Llama wrote:Portals are like flavored condoms: an interesting idea, but not something you ever actually want to use in practice.
Ollieboy wrote:The taste runs out really quickly, and then your just stuck sucking on a bit of rubber around a banana.
Re: Joke thread :D
One day there was a pregnant women who was about to go into labor with 3 children.
Her husband didn't want to be any part of this so he decided to leave her and took the car.
So she had to walk to the hospital all by herself. All of a sudden she came to a dark alley and of course she went through it and all of a sudden a man pops out and shoots her in the stomach.
She continued on her way to the hospital, checked in and it turned out that she and her babies were fine.
16 years later
The first child who was a girl came to the mother and said "mom mom guess what?"
"What?"
I pissed out a bullet.
So the mother told her what happened 16 years ago.
Then the second born child who was also a girl came to her mother and said "mom mom guess what I pissed out a bullet."
So the mom told her what happend 16 years ago.
Then the 3rd born child came in who was a boy said "mom mom guess what?"
The mom said "let me guess you pissed out a bullet."
Her husband didn't want to be any part of this so he decided to leave her and took the car.
So she had to walk to the hospital all by herself. All of a sudden she came to a dark alley and of course she went through it and all of a sudden a man pops out and shoots her in the stomach.
She continued on her way to the hospital, checked in and it turned out that she and her babies were fine.
16 years later
The first child who was a girl came to the mother and said "mom mom guess what?"
"What?"
I pissed out a bullet.
So the mother told her what happened 16 years ago.
Then the second born child who was also a girl came to her mother and said "mom mom guess what I pissed out a bullet."
So the mom told her what happend 16 years ago.
Then the 3rd born child came in who was a boy said "mom mom guess what?"
The mom said "let me guess you pissed out a bullet."
Show
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Re: Joke thread :D
Are yo mama jokes acceptable?
11:25 PM <CMB> M1_Abrams: Beard, I wrote that you are my favorite rapper, can you rap?
11:26 PM <CMB> TheBeardmaster: i can rap on the fly, i just gotta get a li'l high, which ain't so hard, you just gotta try
11:26 PM <CMB> TheBeardmaster: i can rap on the fly, i just gotta get a li'l high, which ain't so hard, you just gotta try
Re: Joke thread :D
Any non-overly-racist jokes are fine.
<TKB> Hit_Girl: zombies don't hurt
<TKB> Hit_Girl: weird.
<TKB> Hit_Girl was slain by Zombie
<TKB> Hit_Girl: weird.
<TKB> Hit_Girl was slain by Zombie
- JustOnePanda
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Re: Joke thread :D
Hey wanna hear a joke?
Show
"a person's dream are meant to be fulfilled not crushed and these words I am typing from the 3DS are from my heart"
-SSJGoten22
-SSJGoten22
Re: Joke thread :D
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"
The funniest thing about this particular signature is that by the time you realise it doesn't say anything it's to late to stop reading it.
Re: Joke thread :D
Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson were going camping. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said: "Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you see." Watson replied: "I see millions and millions of stars." Holmes said: "And what do you deduce from that?" Watson replied: "Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it’s quite likely there are some planets like Earth out there. And if there are a few planets like Earth out there, there might also be life." And Holmes said: "Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent."
The funniest thing about this particular signature is that by the time you realise it doesn't say anything it's to late to stop reading it.